{"id":822,"date":"2009-03-07T20:54:19","date_gmt":"2009-03-08T01:54:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.artloversnewyork.com\/zine\/the-bomb\/2009\/03\/07\/heads-up-dont-let-no-hubbies-out-art-shopping-alone\/"},"modified":"2009-03-14T21:48:08","modified_gmt":"2009-03-15T02:48:08","slug":"heads-up-dont-let-no-hubbies-out-art-shopping-alone","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.artloversnewyork.com\/zine\/the-bomb\/2009\/03\/07\/heads-up-dont-let-no-hubbies-out-art-shopping-alone\/","title":{"rendered":"~DOG POOP !! PATRICK McMULLAN\/THE ARMORY & ART DUBAI"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"poop
\n‘DOG POOP’ – by – TAYLOR McKIMENS. whoever says artists aren’t – relevant – or prescient !! – eat this !!<\/p>\n

THE ARTLOVERS – DOG POOP DIARIES – SPRING 2009.<\/p>\n

DOG POOP !! PATRICK McMULLAN, THE ARMORY & ART DUBAI – how’s that for a bunch of losers all in one sentence !! and . . . .<\/p>\n

* YO, if anyone knows LAURA WATSON at KCD – tell her she’s on artlovers, too !! *
\n* a clueless moron if I ever did see one !! don’t let HER ruin YOUR art par-tay !! *
\n* let her work – her magic for BANANA REPUBLIC !! *
\n* what Banana Republic vs. the NEW MUSEUM – no diff ?!! * * see: below !! *<\/p>\n

* SAT MARCH 7: how pathetic to see PATRICK McMULLAN whining in PAGE SIX today – about how he got shut out of the VANITY FAIR OSCAR PARTY – because Getty\/WireImage had the ‘exclusive rights’ !! what’s the matter Patrick – can’t take your own medicine ? . . . He’s been acting like an over-grown tantrum-throwing ape demanding exclusive rights and taking paychecks out of the hands of (smarter) art world shutterbugs since forever in this town !! and its the kiss-of-death for the parties concerned – cause he doesn’t know the turf at all. he couldn’t tell a JOE BRADLEY from a JOE GRILLO – if his life, or those of the badly suited young clones – he sends out in his stead – depended on it . .
\nplus he can’t photograph art, either – because its all just “ambient background” !! ….
\nname names ? sure !! ART REVIEW MAGAZINE (2002): Patrick demanded that the other photog handling the downtown scene (one Nancy Smith) be tossed along with her pay check – if they wanted h-i-s uptown photos of wanna-bes air kissing.. he holds the same stranglehold on the WHITNEY parties, incl their BIENNIAL bashes. no wonder, there’s no excitement around that played-out gig any more !! the most recent occasion where he has been the death-kiss-of-the-art-party ? how ’bout the slow boring, not to say embarrassing, decline of the p.r. rush for the recent ELIZABETH PEYTON retrospective at the NEW MUSEUM !! some moron of a clueless media consultant for KCD WORLDWIDE, named LAURA WATSON !! let him pull his uninspired monopoly shtick there – and this despite<\/em>, GAVIN BROWN, who reps ELIZABETH PEYTON !! – inviting another photog – the same NANCY SMITH – to cover the opening, specifically for his gallery !! at least Getty\/WireImage pays for their exclusive rights !! Patrick just whines and annoys the hell out everybody – never mind single-handedly killing the entire scene & taking the WHITNEY & THE NEW MUSEUM down with him.<\/p>\n

* and, while we are talking ’bout dog poop – COLIN DeLAND must<\/em> be rolling over in his grave * <\/p>\n

* HEADS-UP LADIES !! don’t EVER send your ever lovin’ hubby out art shopping alone. check out what the ARMORY’S got waiting for them !! ASHLEY DUPRE – MOVE OVER !! *<\/p>\n

. . . more POOP – the ARMORY. <\/p>\n

coverage of that fair used to dominate the whole weekend. this year, 2009 – it didn’t even score one<\/em> line in the NEW YORK TIMES !! and basically – the only other coverage elsewhere – amounted to – a who’s who – of who didn’t buy in. and no, it wasn’t just the economy – it was the total lack of inspiration, not to mention – art brains – on the part of the corporate shopping mall-like organizers. the most interesting item to surface – was the following academic parlay on the newly installed – ‘ESCORT’ service – now available, for free, at the ARMORY. I guess, if you’re gonna try to sell art and you have no brains or talent, that’s the way to go. <\/p>\n

. . . According to that usually staid & totally behind-the-curve BRIT PUBLISHED – PSEUDO ART\/TABLOID\/PAID-FOR-AUCTION-RAG: THE ART NEWSPAPER:<\/p>\n

“The Armory’s latest innovation is their ‘Docent Program’ – whereby overseas collectors, important visitors, or just the plain curious can call the VIP HOTLINE to have them escorted<\/em> around …. [their word, not mine !!] …. the event by a COMPLIMENTARY docent worthy of any museums.” <\/p>\n

[If I were a museum … o-u-c-h !!]<\/p>\n

not only that .. it goes on to say: <\/p>\n

“as Kari MORRIS, executive assistant to her brother, show president Paul, puts it: ‘Our specially-selected docents have the minds of academics and the bodies of centrefolds’.” !! !! !!<\/p>\n

what kind of business are they running there, anyways ?
\nand, where pray tell – where dodoo – they find all these gorgeous academic museum docent-worthy bombshells ? who, also claim to have a handle on the CONTEMPORARY ART WORLD, no less – !! we thought Larry ‘Gogo’ Gagosian – had the monopoly on this kind of brainy leggy bodacious talent. it’s probably more like: skanks with graduate degrees – on the prowl. BRETT MICHAELS – MOVE OVER !!<\/p>\n

the article only gets worse, or more comic – depending on whether you have a hubby out alone on the island – ‘art shopping’ – it goes on to quote Kari, as she compares their star docent … “known as ‘kisser’ ” – a New Zealand hottie, oops I mean art academic – “claiming to have had a Kennedy amongst her walk-thru clients” – to her … “rival art-history expert – a delicious Russian blonde codenamed Nataliya.” !! <\/p>\n

like we said. COLIN De LAND must be rolling over in his grave.
\nmaybe he’s saying – I’d rather have a dog poop on my grave !!<\/p>\n

seriously, I couldn’t make this stuff up in my wildest dreams – its right there in black ink & white on PAGE 2.
\nin the Diary Section.
\nTHE ART NEWSPAPER\/THE ARMORY SHOW EDITION\/4-5, MARCH 2009.
\nit’s handed out for free at the fair – if you don’t believe me.
\nthe item – it’s the lead item on the left hand side – doesn’t list an author. I think it’s supposed to be funny.<\/p>\n

\"poop
\n‘DIFFERENT EVERY DAY’ – artwork by STO.<\/p>\n

. . . more POOP – ART DUBAI !! somebody get that SHEIK a YIDDISH DICTIONARY, PRONTO !!<\/p>\n

of course, the other really funny quote, also unintentional, I think — surfaced in the same broadsheet.
\non PAGE 4.
\nin an article titled: ‘INTERNATIONAL FAIRS\/FINANCIAL SITUATION FORCES GALLERY WITHDRAWALS’.<\/p>\n

ANDREW GOLDSTEIN reports:<\/p>\n

“The Armory is not the only fair to see some exhibitors melt away. More than two dozen galleries who showed at ART DUBAI last year will not be back when the fair returns later this month. ‘We just decided not to do it, it’s a big schlep<\/em> said, New York dealer Bonni Benrubi.”<\/p>\n

yo !! – do they even have – YIDDISH DICTIONARIES – in DUBAI – or do ya think they are casually familiar with the term: schlep ? !!!<\/p>\n

in case not, SCHLEP – is New York – for – not worth the time of day. <\/p>\n

ok. so we don’t wanna just leave a bad taste in your mouth.
\nso, QUESTION: just how prescient were those poop-painting artists ?
\nANSWER: FALL 2007 – was the magic season for all things that smell bad and look gross on the sidewalks.<\/p>\n

\"poop
\nTAYLOR McKIMENS exhibited his dog poop painting in 2007. Here he is at the opening, Sept 14, 2007.
\nThe show was called ‘Cabinet of Curiosities’ and it was curated by KATHY GRAYSON. And it rolled out at, as an early hit – in the then, newly re-located to Brooklyn – THE JOURNAL GALLERY.<\/p>\n

\"poop
\nanother TAYLOR McKIMENS painting – from the same show – an early precursor of his Drip family of homeboys – also caught that McMULLAN\/ARMORY\/DUBAI vibe !!
\nsee more on the show: 2007-10-24 !!<\/a><\/p>\n

and, let’s give Sto from CINDERS – his fair shake – at kickin’ the Dog Poop, too !! <\/p>\n

\"poop
\nSTO at the opening of his solo show – ‘My Prayer for You’ – running Oct 12-Nov 11, 2007, at CINDERS.
\nwow – 2 dog poop paintings in the same season – how rare is that – !! <\/p>\n

looking back – STO had some other great ahead-of-their-time takes on today’s “ambience” . . . as Patrick so knowingly – calls art – on his website.<\/p>\n

\"Poop
\nSTO – INTERNAL – MAP OF ANXIETY .<\/p>\n

\"poop
\nSTO – ‘I AIN’T GOING WITHOUT A FIGHT, YOU PECKERHEAD !!’ <\/p>\n

\"poop
\nthere was actually a dog – an ugly one at that, but for sure, NYC accessory fashionable at the opening !!<\/p>\n

\"poop<\/p>\n

\"poop
\nwe were hoping that was a little real poop deposited next to the appropriate piece of greenery Sto so thoughtfully provided, but no – its just a piece of the faux greenery !!
\nthe sign says: “clean up the mess you make.”<\/p>\n

fun or what !! here’s 2 more !!<\/p>\n

\"poop
\nSTO – ‘COMIN’ TO GET YA’ – aka – artlovers’ new mantra !!! <\/p>\n

\"poop
\nSTO – ?? !!!
\nsee more on the show: MY PRAYER FOR YOU<\/a>
\nsee: MY PRAYER FOR YOU \/IF I HAD $200 !!<\/a><\/p>\n

and, guess who we meet for the first time at the opening ?
\nproving: that – all things – and all paths – that are t-r-u-e – do come full circle !!<\/p>\n

\"poop
\nPORTS BISHOP, at left – introduces us to a – startled NICK KUSZYK !!<\/p>\n

\"poop
\nNICK KUSZYK and PORTS BISHOP. CINDERS GALLERY & BOOKSTORE, BROOKLYN, NYC. OCT 12, 2007 !!<\/p>\n

PHOTOS: NANCY SMITH<\/p>\n

and, what do you know – contrary to all that bullsh*t – dumped on ya – last week – all in the name of art – there was one great opening, last weekend – and it was NICK KUSZYK’S !!
\nNICK KUSZYK – ‘JAMMER SLAMMER’ – now up at McCAIG-WELLES – running MARCH 6-29, 2009 !!
\n129 ROEBLING ST \/ BROOKLYN.
\nthe opening was last Saturday, March 7, with a small opening for friends the night before.
\nof course !! we were there & the pix will be featured this week !! yo – robots rule !!
\nand they don’t leave poop – or do they ? these robot guys only, seem to spill their guts !!
\nsee: McCAIG WELLES\/NICK KUSZYK !!<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

‘DOG POOP’ – by – TAYLOR McKIMENS. whoever says artists aren’t – relevant – or prescient !! – eat this !! THE ARTLOVERS – DOG POOP DIARIES – SPRING 2009. DOG POOP !! PATRICK McMULLAN, THE ARMORY & ART DUBAI – how’s that for a bunch of losers all in one sentence !! and . […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[4],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.artloversnewyork.com\/zine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/822"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.artloversnewyork.com\/zine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.artloversnewyork.com\/zine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.artloversnewyork.com\/zine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.artloversnewyork.com\/zine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=822"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.artloversnewyork.com\/zine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/822\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.artloversnewyork.com\/zine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=822"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.artloversnewyork.com\/zine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=822"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.artloversnewyork.com\/zine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=822"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}